She's JV to your varsity
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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