i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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