How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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