TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
