I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
