cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
MIDGETS
????
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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