I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize