Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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