I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
