Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
