I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
