its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
