At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
