Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
