Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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