Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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