Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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