I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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