Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize