dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
