I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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