Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
