someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
