I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
