HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
