I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
