We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
