He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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