I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize