Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
