Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I faked an abortion last night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
