just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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