i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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