you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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