suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
