come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
