in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Randomize
