just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
