I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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