very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
