Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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