You made me cry and you don't even care
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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