Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
