Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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