I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
