Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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