She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
