Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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