i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
