You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
