i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do vagina's smell?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
