I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
