I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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