she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Even my vagina gasped.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
