Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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