i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Randomize
