this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
