Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize