Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
