1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
