She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
