legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
