ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
