He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
