Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
