Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You need a sexual gate keeper
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
