He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize