oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
