i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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