is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
