Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
