is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
