my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
