Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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