a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
