Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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