Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
