i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
