First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
