You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
