Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
