So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
