hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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