We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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