I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
