I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize