and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
