Cold hands, warm shart.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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