u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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