Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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