who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
