She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
