weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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