I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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