R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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