Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize